Friday, June 27, 2008
I used deflect my disappointment in others with humor and a smile.
Then I figured I'd be no different from the hypocrite who's played me like a puppet.
Now, I deflect it with sarcasm.
What do I deflect my disappointment in myself with?
I'm two-thirds my way through a bottle of wine. And I don't even feel anything anymore.
I want to feel something, apart from this emptiness. Then again, how does one feel empty when there was nothing there to begin with. It's not like I had something there before which I had recently lost. There was never anything there anyway.
And when I finally feel something, often negative, my rights of feeling that way gets stripped right off me.
"History" = PAST. So why is it deja vu all over again?
I feel like I'm in a never ending nightmare that I could never wake up from. And its a re-run every single night.
This is my advice to you. Don't push me, because I'm on the egde.
I really don't want to be the one who stands at the door with open arms and say, "I told you so".
Because I told you so.